The Most Important Person(s) in Your Life
“Tell me who’s around you and I’ll show you who you’re becoming.”
Do you agree with that statement?
I do.
I make sure to remain conscious of who is around me and why. Each person has a purpose and has value.
There are people that I would spend weeks with while there are others I wouldn’t give more than 15 minutes.
I’m sure that if you did an assessment of the relationships that you have, you’d feel much the same way.
WHO MATTERS TO YOU?
That’s a question that I believe needs to be answered — regularly.
Here are 4 others that are essential when we think about the most important people in our life:
Why are people important to you?
How many people do you need that are close to you?
How much time and energy do you give to these people?
Who do you allow to interrupt you at any time and become your #1 priority?
“While emotions are fluid, you have to find somebody that you can commit to. Period.” — Harrison Wendland
Why are people important to you?
Let’s be selfish for a moment or two. What do you receive from spending time around people? The first thing that I think of is love languages — of which there are 5.
The 5 are:
Quality time
Receiving gifts
Acts of service
Words of affirmation
Physical touch
If you don’t know your love language, do some self-reflection or use this quiz as a guide:
The 5 Love Languages quiz, share your results if you’d like to discuss!www.5lovelanguages.com
I like to spend the most time around people who do just that and value my time.
Other people like my Dad, enjoy words of affirmation and he spends a lot of time around others who laugh at his jokes, comment on his happenings, and share in fruitful conversation.
People enjoy different things so we must take a self-inventory and understand why people around us continue to be around us — what do we like about them?
How many people do you need that are close to you?
For me? It’s not many.
I’m introverted and I do my best work alone.
I like to get in the zone and stay there — no distractions. I don’t talk on the phone for a long time — unless it’s with my Mom — and I don’t FaceTime anyone anymore.
I have a Bible study that we do on a video chat, I speak to another friend via FaceTime once a month, have weekly calls/book discussions with another, text my sister all the time, and talk to my Dad every week or so too. I also call both my grandparents every couple of weeks.
Beyond that, I meet with my mentors once every few months. But that’s all I need.
I’m not going out to the house of friends every weekend. I’m not going out for a night on the town anymore (don’t miss that). I’m not texting people all day long (you’re incredibly lucky if I text you more than 3 or 4 times in a day).
But that’s how I live — it’s not for everyone.
If you add up all the time I spend on different things solely for personal growth and to keep myself focused — it’s a full-time job.
Other people enjoy different things and that’s great. Some people love things like diving or fishing or hanging out at the beach. Great!
If that’s you, I think it only makes sense to find someone and spend the most time with someone who also enjoys those types of things.
I won’t come — I may if you invite me — but I’ll still bring a book and/or some writing to complete.
Why do you spend so much time with people that you don’t even like?
How many people do you need that are close to you?
Our time is limited, choose wisely.
How much time and energy do you give to these people?
This is so so important. I do a quarterly assessment of the people around me.
Are they adding to my life or are they subtracting from it?
“There are either good influences or bad, it’s black and white there is no gray.” — Grant Cardone
I actually go through and assess people out of 100 and document how much time and energy I desire to give them. 100 is the most, anything less than 60 or so drops off the list until a later point.
My sister is always a 100, she’s great and someone who truly energizes me in a way that few others do.
Beyond that, I am consistently conscious of who I am spending the most time with. If you become like the 5 closest people to you, I need to be 100% aware of who those individuals are.
Some of this is beyond our control but it’s essential to be cognizant of regardless.
“People left when the house was falling apart, not knowing I was tearing it down to build a mansion, I just wanted to see who was gonna grab a hammer.” — Leonard Fournette
Who do you allow to interrupt you at any time and become your #1 priority?
There are very very few people that I allow to do this.
I am on do not disturb 99.9% of the time on my phone. I only turn it off in the rare case that I am expecting a notification that’s not a phone call.
Who do you allow to interrupt you?
I only get notifications if I want them and I know people who do this more extreme than me. 2 of my closest friends live on do not disturb too. One of them takes it so far that they only see app notifications when they open the app. That’s admirable.
I’d love to say that I could do the same thing but the truth is — I don’t want to.
I like to see things when I open my phone and maybe that’ll change in the future as more people are seeking my time and attention.
For now, I know who can take my time and change around the schedule of my day — and it doesn’t happen often.
It’s different for everyone and we are all different from each other. Some of us are more willing to be interrupted and actually enjoy it sometimes.
I do at times. I tolerate it at the office and I am more than happy to jump into a side project at any time. But at home? I do focused work, I dictate what happens and only a few people can enter or redirect me.
What about you? Who interrupts you during the day? Why do you let them?
In closing, there is no excuse for spending “too much time” with someone. It’s up to us and entirely our responsibility to maintain an awareness of who is around us and why.
People are either good for us or not for good for us — there is no in-between.
If we have a drinking issue, for example, it is self-sabotaging to spend time around someone who will continually encourage us to drink with them.
If we are working on writing a book, for example, it is great for us to spend time around someone who continually displays curiosity for the writing.
“True friends stab you in the front.” — Oscar Wilde
Whatever it is that you value most in a relationship and in someone else, ensure that you are receiving adequate amounts of that from those around you. And even more important, ensure that you are providing above and beyond what those around you need out of a relationship.
“The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.” — Ernest Hemingway
It is said that you completely change every seven years. What does that mean?medium.com
“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” — Albert Einstein