Writing Love Letters
I have thought for many many years about what type of husband and what type of father I could be in the future. I’ve put a great amount of time and energy into thinking about what type of woman and wife I desire and believe would be complementary to me.
I’ve had guidance from my grandmother in particular. She has always guided me to write down the qualities that I value. She’s directed me to create a list of what’s important. I’ve done that and I continue to refine it as I progress throughout life and seek God’s discernment.
There are so many amazing women in the world but there are unique people for each and every one of us.
Marriage for me has changed over the years. It used to be a perfect partnership but now it’s a partnership of mutual submission and servantship, and a union before Christ, before God. It’s about two people becoming one, working together for the glory of God, and for the goodness of all His creation.
I’m excited. There’s an opportunity to write an anonymous love letter and I look forward to sharing that sort of thing. It’s something I’ve long considered but now have the opportunity and position to truly create and reflect and share what it is that is on my heart.
I don’t know if marriage is one year or ten years away for me, I’m just going to follow God’s direction.
What I do know is that with every passing day I’m becoming more prepared to be the man that He has created me to be and to live the life that He has created me to lead.
What are we striving towards?
I’ll highlight a few qualities that are what I would call non-negotiable. To me, this means that these are things that I will not sacrifice nor compromise in a partner.
These are qualities and characteristics that the woman I feel God has created for me will encompass. Of course, it could go unstated that the non-negotiables here are also qualities that I’m going to expect out of myself.
Now I think that many of these will be qualities that the wide majority of people desire or at the minimum appreciate in a partner.
Christianity — shared values
This may be different for some but the main importance here is that with my spouse, we will be a unified voice for the potential children we raise together.
Beyond that, living well on earth is one thing, but stepping into eternity is another completely.
Unification is the most important quality here for me and while I am a Christian and believe in the Bible as truth, I respect that not everyone will share that.
Again, I think this one speaks for itself and I’m sure that most people would agree on the importance of this character quality.
I don’t know anyone who enjoys being lied to or could say that they desire to be around someone who cannot be honest with them.
For me, this is all about facts over feelings.
I don’t care if you think something will upset me, I need to know the true information so that I can respond in kind, and I would only expect the same out of myself.
If I end up settling down and committing to love someone who doesn’t have ambition or desire to create more for themselves, I’ll be quite surprised.
I want to continue to grow and glorify God through all that I do and I expect that out of my spouse as well.
If only one person is pushing for greatness, the other one is holding them back — whether they admit it or not.
Much like honesty, but one step further.
To me, this is about knowing with confidence that my partner is going to be who they are no matter where they are or who they are with.
If my partner does not smoke, for example, then I expect them not to smoke.
If my partner does not swear, for example, then I expect them not to swear.
It’s the same sort of thing for me.
I’m not someone who’s incredibly lavish or outgoing and I usually maintain my more low-key appearance and style. If I were all of a sudden dropping tens of thousands on jewelry and bottles at clubs, I would hope my spouse might be quite surprised.
Integrity is being who you are even when no one is looking. It’s doing the right thing.
The “right thing” can be interpreted a multitude of different ways which, again, is why it’s so important for me and my potential spouse to be on the same page and aligned at a deep level.
Do what you say and say what you’ll do.
It’s just being consistent. It’s saying “I care about this” and then showing it.
It’s a “this matter to me” and then showing it.
Trust but verify. And there is a LOT of verifying.
Talk is cheap and I live as though I believe that. In a successful union, I think the practice of backing up words with action is essential to share together.
Filling the Heart
Many things are temporary and over the course of our lives we will probably experience love in many different fashions. What do we most desire and what is of utmost importance to us?
Maybe some people value strong emotions and a feeling of love more than they do a collaborative partnership focused on growth — to each their own.
While I have not finished up the love letter I’ll be submitting, I’ve spent some time in prayer and in reflection about what the importance is to me.
“Our purpose isn’t to use the world but to be of the utmost use to the world. Our purpose is to glorify God and love others thereby reflecting the life of Christ.” — Jordan Raynor