“Trust is a peculiar resource; it is built rather than depleted by use.”

“True friends stab you in the front.” — Oscar Wilde

What does trust mean to you?

Maybe, to you, it means that when you ask someone a question, they won’t hurt your feelings.

Maybe, to you, it means that someone won’t act differently in front of you than they will behind your back.

Maybe, to you, it means that someone won’t cheat you or steal from you.

To me, trust means that I will receive honesty. It means that if I ask a question, I will receive an honest answer.

“True friends stab you in the front.” — Oscar Wilde

When we think about becoming resilient, we might think about the saying that most of us have repeated at one point or another: “sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me.”

I’m sure that you’ve heard words that have hurt you. I know I have.

Why do Words Affect Us?

The tough thing for many people to accept is that the words that other people say do not concern you. It’s not uncommon to hear something like, “I can’t believe they said that to me!” No? I can. After all, you’ve known that person for how long now?

That’s simply how they talk and if you expect them to cater their communication to your preferences, you are crazy.

Words impact us — period.

It’s not a challenge to see how different words affect different people. The person who’s dropping expletives every other word is probably going to be much more comfortable with hearing that same vulgarity in return. Someone who never speaks with expletives may not be. It’s rare for someone who has clean language to regularly spend extensive time with a group of people who use excessive expletives (however you might define that).

It comes down to what we can control and what we cannot.

We cannot control other people yet, what they say affects us. Honestly, what WE say affects us! If you wake up and say, “oh wow, I’m so tired.” Guess what? You’re going to feel more tired! Your subconscious does not have a filter thereby, everything that you tell it is received as fact. And, when those words are received by the subconscious mind, there is a PHYSICAL reaction.

Overall, I’m unphased with the way people speak to me. Especially when it’s people I do not know well, I’m stoic. If someone speaks in a way that I don’t particularly fancy, is that worth expressing? Maybe, but most times no, it’s not worth expressing.

Choose Wisely

For new acquaintances, they will speak how they speak. If you don’t like it, then don’t spend time with them.

If that’s not possible, what’s the other option? Is it to tell them that they need to speak differently around you?

I don’t think that’s going to fly.

People want to do what people want to do.

We can try to change them all we want but that will most likely leave us feeling exhausted and without energy. We can control only what we can control.

So, while we may not be able to control the actions of others, we can certainly control our reactions to them.

We can select relationships that are trusting, that are vulnerable, and that are authentic.

And while we are with people who may not appreciate or connect to as much, we can remember our foundation and build our resilience.

“Trust is like a salary. It’s given but then you have to EARN it every day.”

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